“In this heavy and confusing life, while you deal with your business, you wonder what they are doing all of a sudden and think of the person first aside from yourself. That’s enough of a reason to call it love.”

-Excerpt from Every Moment Was You

“The only thing that separates women of color from anyone else is opportunity. You cannot win an Emmy for roles that are simply not there.”

-Viola Davis, Emmy Awards 2015

Irreplaceable You

This isn’t a movie review.

I paused it and am writing this while crying. It’s because of this movie that I finally am honest to myself on how lonely I am.

I am lonely.

I still don’t have anyone. 23 years (24 in a month) and I still don’t.

I know no one should make anyone a solution to their sadness.. or problems.. or feeling of incompleteness, but I really feel sad and incomplete.

I am okay. My life’s okay. There’s these bumps every now and then, but I am okay with my life, my family, my friends, myself. I like how everything is. I love it. I’m happy.

It’s just that there’s something missing. There’s this hole inside. I feel empty. Not that I don’t feel loved; in fact I am, very. It’s just different when you have someone. As I always say and know:

I’m ready.

I may be a little bruised now. I might seem to be yearning for somebody to complete me or fix me or turn as my world. No, all I want is to have someone I can shower all my love on and be showered on all his, someone I’d brave any storm with.

But where are you?

“You don’t get to choose who cares for you…” -May

“I refuse to be a cliché.” -Yoyo/Elena

“The world has changed, but you’re not this man.” -Dr. Holden Radcliffe

“It’s only a risk if you have something to lose.” -May

“One person in your life, one decision, one sentence, it can change your life forever.” -Radcliffe

“I know I’m not going with you when you leave, but I can still help out from this side.” -Ward

“I am nothing but torn and twisted insides!” -Ophelia

“You built an empire by eliminating the regrets of others. How does it taste on your own tongue?” -Anton Ivanov

“She will be as good as 10 sons. Just wait and see.” -Dr. Jin Myeong Hoon

“You haven’t been cherished, so I thought you will change if you are cherished now.” -Kang Mal Soon

“I want to name my daughter after you. I want her to grow up and help others like you.” -Pregnant patient’s husband

“People who are meant to die will die, even if doctors are there.” -Tchr. Hong Ji Hong

“I tried to protect myself from the insanity called love. Hence, I paid the price.” -Ji Hong

“Success is only meaningful when you have someone to share it with.” -Dr. Yoo Hye Jung

“Whenever you think about your grandma a lot, I get gifts like this.” -Chun Soon Hee

“The unresolved past always finds you again, whether love or hatred.” -Dr. Hye Jung

“There shouldn’t be ownership between friends.” -Dr. Pi Yeong Kook

“Those who excel in what they do always doubt themselves. That’s how they avoid their mistakes.” -Prof. Hong

“Stop analyzing my psychology and start analyzing yours.” -Dr. Jung Yoon Do

“Gosh, life is a scary thing; even cancer cells do their best to survive.” -Chairman Hong Doo Sik

“I’ll be where the patient’s family members wait.” -Ji Hong

“I always loved having you as my father.. and I still love it.” -Ji Hong

“It’s my record. I treasure every part of my life. Making mistakes is what makes us human.” -Pres. Jin

“I don’t want to fight, but she keeps starting a fight.” -Ji Hong
“That’s good. That means she loves you.” -Dr. Jo In Joo

“I’m going to go where my heart takes me even if it’s a messy road.” -Yoon Do

“To a man, a father is someone he identifies himself with. Losing a father is like losing oneself.” -Ji Hong

“Whenever I wanted something, I’d act first… But I realized, the waiting for the woman I love could be the most active act. I learned that through you.” -Prof. Hong

“I’m sorry for telling you to change. You can think and make decisions on your own. I’ll just be by your side.” -Hye Jung

“I should allow other people to protect me.” -Hye Jung

“People like us have two choices. We can either do what our parents want or not.” -Yoon Do

“That’s why I’m telling you, don’t fall for me. I have many stories.” -In Joo

“Do you know why I don’t cook? It’s because I think I might turn out to be a good cook.” – Hye Jung

“Hae, my vitamin.” -Nam Ba Ram

“I hope I had a zipper in my heart, so I can open and shut it when I please.” -Yoon Do

“This is the haven for the homeless.” -In Joo

“I’m following my heart, she’s following her heart. We shouldn’t blame each other for following our hearts.” -Yoon Do

“You called to say you saw me in your dream? You just had a silly dream. I’m fine, so don’t worry.” -Dr. Choi Kang Soo

“Uncle, she makes me want to be a board member of the hospital. I don’t ever want her to be disciplined again.” -Yoon Do

“Other people manage to get what they want so easily. Why is my life so hard?” -Kang Soo

“I like you whether you’re a doctor or not. Got that?” -Choi Young Soo

“If that happened to you, I would have killed the doctor right away.” -Dr. Jin Seo Woo

“Her only dream was to live with her grandmother comfortably. Why can’t you empathize with people?” -Seo Woo

“You’re the only one who can handle the operation.” -Section Chief Kim Tae Ho

“You have to wait until the final moment in life to see what life is trying to teach you. You have to wait until the very end.” -Hye Jung

“It’s strange though. I don’t like you, but my heart hurt when I heard you were sick.” -Hye Jung

“You will not die! Your dad won’t let you die!” -Chairman Jin Sung Jong

“Before the surgery, you made her feel she could trust you and feel safe going into her surgery. Thank you for that.” -Hye Jung

“Don’t look down on one-sided love. To find love in this world is better than not loving at all.” -Yoon Do

-Pres./Dr. Jin Myeong Hoon, Kang Mal Soon, Pregnant patient’s husband, Prof./Tchr. Hong Ji Hong, Dr. Yoo Hye Jung, Chun Soon Hee, Dr. Pi Yeong Kook, Dr. Jung Yoon Do, Chairman Hong Doo Sik, Dr. Jo In Joo, Nam Ba Ram, Dr. Choi Kang Soo, Choi Young Soo, Dr. Jin Seo Woo, Section Chief Kim Tae Ho, Chairman Jin Sung Jong; The Doctors

“This is a wishing machine. You tell it your wishes and it keeps them safe… even if you forget them.” -Phineas/P.T. Barnum

“You need something alive.” -Caroline Barnum

“They don’t understand, but they will.” -Phineas

“You don’t know it yet, but they are gonna love you.” -Phineas

“This is the life I promised you.” -Phineas

“You don’t need everyone to love you, Phin; just a few, good people.” -Charity Barnum

“…making them equals. Another critic might have called it presentation of humanity.” -James Gordon

“Our own mothers were ashamed of us, hid us, but you pulled us out…” -Lettie Lutz

“All that’s left is friendship, love, and work that I adore.” -Phillip Carlyle

“What will you be doing?” -Carlyle
“Watching my girls grow up.” -Phineas

“The noblest art is that of making others happy.” -Real P.T. Barnum

-Phineas/P.T. Barnum, Caroline Barnum, Charity Barnum, James Gordon, Lettie Lutz, Phillip Carlyle; The Greatest Showman

The eagle has landed

The film, Eddie The Eagle, has just moved from my list of “To Watch” to my list of “All-Time Favorites”. I have also just recommended it to all my Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook connections.

I’m on a high right now. I’m listing down all the words I can associate to this movie, this life story:

Dedication. Passion. Failure. Determination. Rejection. Inspiration. Trust. Courage. Heart. Ambition. Training. Dream. Positivity. Negativity. Hope. Struggle. Pain. Recognition. Effort. Discipline. Readiness. Spirit. Motivation. Experience. Preparation. Encouragement. Understanding. Belief.

No further explanations. That’s it; that’s the review.

“Whenever there’s bad guys like you around, Roy is not too far away.” -June Havens

“What day is it?” -Roy Millers/Matthew Knight
“Someday.” -June

“We got tickets to Cape Horn!” – Mrs. Knight

-June Havens, Roy Millers/Matthew Knight, Mrs. Knight; Knight and Day