I still think of you, best friend.

But no matter how bad I feel for what happened to our friendship, I keep getting the but-it-was-toxic end of statement.

It was bound to end one way or another. I will not be able to stay long in that kind of friendship. It’s exhausting. Nakakasakal. It’s just too much.

I was very happy and very grateful for your family’s generosity and open hearts. I had a very good time staying at your place, spending time with your relatives who made me feel like I was part of the family, too. It sucks I had to disappear.

I truly, honestly, hope you’re doing okay. Last time your cousin and I spoke, you weren’t. I wish you’d come out of your shell, meet people, trust people, live.

I hope you find the best friend I can never be. I hope you also have a boy friend now. I can’t wait to hear about those two!

I sincerely hope I haven’t scarred you for life.

I knew what your other former friends meant to you and how bad it shaped your outlook in life. Still, I turned out to be one of those stories.

But I just can’t be friends with just you. I can’t let you prohibit me from going out with other people just coz you need me and only had me. I can’t let you make me feel bad for not always visiting when I started working and moved back home to spend time with my family. I have a life of my own, too.

It was getting toxic. Early on, I saw the red flags; but I thought I could help you. I thought I will be able to. I almost lost some other good friends in the process. I have a life of my own, too. As much as I wanted to be the best friend for you, I can’t just have my life revolve around you.

In the end, I had to lose you.. and your whole, amazing family. I miss all of you.. Always. I think there’s not a month I haven’t thought of you. I’ve even thought of driving by your street sometime.

But it wasn’t just all you; I hope you know that. I was wrong in many ways. I was wrong to try to change you. I realized too late that I couldn’t help you by forcing you to change. We’re different. We’re polars. Solutions that benefit me may not be able to help you. They didn’t.

I wish you well.

I haven’t given up; I know you will do better. I know you can. You don’t need someone else to help you. You need you. You have you. One day you’ll come to realize that. Stay healthy. Stay alive.

One week

I get why I feel like days fly by so fast, now.

I’m doing nothing.

The weeks are passing by the same ways. It’s always the same things. There’s nothing new, nothing special, nothing’s changed.

That’s what I should vow to myself to start doing now. Each week, there should be at least one thing I accomplished, began, or changed. I will jot it down weekly and post it here exactly one year later. I know this initiative will greatly impact who and where I will be by that time.

It’s just up to me to start.

Direction

Hearing, “Ate, gusto ko magmed,” (Translation: Sister, I want to study medicine) this morning just instantly shifted my life’s direction.

It’s a dream I’ve never let go; just put on hold. Now, it’s my sister’s dream, too. I’m so glad I have a set timeline for that dream of mine (plan B and plan C I’ve well thought of for a long time). I’m also glad she knows what she wants now (at the age of 13).

But it’s confusing me because hearing those words both set my plans straight-er and at the same time collapsed mine. Confusing, right? Hahaha.

Now, I can’t help thinking if it’s something I should add to the drawing or if I should throw away the first and draw on a new, blank page.

Rest now, father and daughter

Can’t imagine how Natalia and Vanessa are right now. Be strong, girls. Be strong.

Babies Capri and Bianka Bryant will grow up with stories about their father and sister instead of growing up beside them. Dang, who would’ve thought this would happen.

Tomorrow’s never promised. Make every day with your families worthwhile.

Also, everyone being in shock and praying for the Bryant family is totally understandable, but please also have the other people onboard in your thoughts and prayers.

My condolences to the families who have lost someone dear to them today.

Be My Eyes

Among the 5 senses, sight is the most important for me. I couldn’t imagine not being able to see how beautiful this world is. I always feel for those who can’t see.

Fortunately, I came across this ad of an app yesterday. Its goal is to help the blind.. To be their eyes for one moment. All you have to do is to take their call when notified and assist them in any way you can.

I just received my first call minutes ago. I assisted him in turning the knobs of his washing machine to how they should be. For us, it’s that simple. To them, it means a lot.

I recommend you download this app, too! #BeMyEyes 5/5