Each time I listen to Mom by Meghan Trainor, I can’t help but smile.
Hi! I’m H and you’re my future partner, my first actually. How are you? Where are you? What are you doing right now? Who are you with? Are you happily inlove? Are you in pain? Have I met you already? When will our paths cross? Are you asking the same questions?
It’s silly, but I’m always thinking of you. I hope that wherever you are now, love and faith will always guide your steps. Whatever it is you may be going through right now, you’ll get past it. The success and joy you may be experiencing now, please know you deserve it.
Right now, I’m doing my youngest sister’s school project while listening to worship songs. You suddenly crossed my mind. I’ve been meaning to write to you in quite a while; recently, I was inspired to really do so because of the movie Finally Found Someone that I watched. I’m currently going through a lot. “The stakes are high; the waters rough~” as Tay sang. These days are really tough. Most of the time, I sit in silence with endless sighs, hoping it ends soon. It would’ve been a lot lighter if you were here with me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming you for not being here earlier. The thought of you possibly experiencing the opposite right now, having the best days of your life, comforts me. I hope you really are. But if we are both struggling at the moment, I know we both are strong persons. We’ll get through these apart and talk about it together someday soon.
I’m ready to be with you anytime now. I hope you don’t get caught in traffic for a longer time. I have so much love to give. All these years, I’ve prayed for you. I’ve waited.. and I’ll be waiting. I admit, I’m inlove with somebody; I’ve been for a long time. I also admit, a part of me still hopes you’re the same person who’ll someday get to read this. But I’m trying really hard to get over him, especially now, now that I’ve accepted some things couldn’t really be and some persons I have already lost a long time ago. If he isn’t you, please don’t feel bad nor jealous. By the time you’re reading this, it is already you, my you. I can’t wait to be with you. I hope you’re on your way. I hope life’s leading me to you each day.
One day yours,
No matter how bad your day goes, there’s always someone up there who wouldn’t let it end that way. You just have to take the time to notice the little things.
So far, it has been a struggle to wake up each day and get to work. I have a problem with my status, my workload, my worth, my rights. I’m losing all the motivation to do my responsibilities. I won’t get into details but it’s really a mess right now. And just lately, I’ve convinced myself (with the help of my beloved coworkers) to finally do something about it.. and not just anything, but the biggest risk one could do. I’ve set my plans, but I’m still having difficulties executing them, let alone the fact that aside from my colleagues, none of my friends and family have any idea about what I’m going through. I’m also trying really hard to distract myself from other problems I concurrently have.
There I was, getting out of the building from working late, dreading the thought of going home and not getting a good sleep from worrying and getting up again to face life. I saw the buses filled with people standing and sighed. My mood and the condition of my ride home is just a good combo, isn’t it? Then, as I read the sign from the coming bus I was about to ride, I was surprised it was the one that could take me home easily! Buses like this one never (in my whole experience) come this way! It was such a blessing. I kept sighing in relief as I boarded and comfortably sat.
So I thought He was done surprising me. I read today’s teaching from The Daily Bread and it just strike me right through the chest. He wanted me to surrender all plans I have to him, reminded that He is beside me through it all. It even has the scripture that I have a copy here on my phone as a wallpaper that I use each time I needed it.
“God is within her, she will not fall.” Psalms 46:5
Minutes later, as I was writing down my reflections for today’s reading, the song Heavy played on the bus. This is the one song that really gets to me especially in times that everything feels heavy. I let out a deep sigh. The song was followed by Superhero, one of my all-time motivating songs. I mouthed a “thank You” as I began to realize the consecutive ways He’s been letting me aware of his presence. No matter how hard these days are to me right now, I’m never alone in this fight. So are you.
Tomorrow, I’m letting you go.
I know I’ve said it a thousand times.
But this very night, I feel the need.
Tonight, we were together.
Different, everything felt.
The song I haven’t heard in years.
It played as if on cue when I arrived.
There, with you, I felt every line.
I have already lost you long ago.
After all the heartaches, the waiting.
Who was I to hope we could still be?
I almost had you many times.
Many times I missed the chance.
Tonight I felt you’re really over me.
Tomorrow, I’m letting go for real.
One thing that both Agents of Shield and The Flash taught me is that I should stop living in the past. Everything that has happened before seems a lifetime away from me now. I can never take back anything I’ve said and done, especially those I haven’t.
Ever been so engrossed in your daydream it felt oh so real? So happy, so loved.. Then a second later, you’re snapped back into reality and a gush of pain takes place. Sigh.
Each time I’m lonely, burdened, I listen to Heavy. Even when I’m not and I listen to it, I feel lonely and burdened.
What if this song was Chester’s cry for help? It was released this May. His best friend died this May. He committed suicide at the day of his best friend’s birthday.
People.. Please.. Talk to someone. Talk to anybody. Don’t keep your problems/feelings to yourselves.
Don’t ever believe you have nobody. You may think it; the world may try to make you believe it; but don’t.
May you rest in peace, Chester Bennington.