This is one of those nights

This is one of those nights when I just can’t stop thinking, worrying, and suddenly explode into tears I’ve been trying to hold back for far too long. 

It’s just so hard. Worse, I have no one to talk to about all these. I know there are lots of good souls willing to listen, but no matter how difficult it gets, a huge part of me still thinks and feels this is a battle I could fight on my own; partly because I don’t want others to see what’s behind the mask, more so that everything’s just masked.

I don’t know what to do anymore. R.. Should I speak to him now? Should I do it face to face? Should I just show this blog to him and let this explain everything? Should I just choose not to let him hear the truth from me ever? D.. Should I inform him that I just act normal but that doesn’t mean I’m over it and I forgive and believe him? Should I make him explain to me upfront? Should I add that woman on Facebook? Should I look into his phone once more? Should I let this go and just believe him?

This is one of those nights when I sincerely wish I could fall asleep and wake up finally knowing what to do. 

Life’s a matter of choices. There’s always one option to choose. 

Good or bad? Right or wrong?

John Q is a father, a husband, and a worker. Though faced with debts and bills, everything seemed perfect to him for he has his family. But his life fell down into a deep hole the day they found out his child has a heart disease and must be operated soon, or else will die months, weeks, or days after. He and his wife did everything they could to give the doctors the down payment they said should be provided before their son’s name could be placed on the list of patients in need of heart donors. All the difficulties, exhaustion, time pressure, and lack of more sources of money resulted to John Q’s creation of a hostage crime.

If weighed, John’s decision wasn’t that wrong. Yes, it is bad to threaten people’s lives in exchange of what he wanted, but he only did what he thought would be good for his son. He just did what is right as a father who’s running out of options and time, and deeply loves his son, failing to realize the wrongness of his actions as a citizen.

The movie, too, shows the faulty system we have in the field of medicine. Doctors will not do anything unless families provide the sufficient amount of money they need for the operation. It’s all about the money, instead of the patients’ welfare. This, if only given attention, is the main cause of crimes committed by the needy.