I meant..

Okay, last chance. If you don’t say or do anything that’ll prove that you still are into me, I’m done. I’m letting go of these long-time hopes and stubborn feelings for real.

Or maybe last two.

*weak laugh* When will I succeed in getting over you?

Eyes

Sight is the most precious thing to me. Whenever asked which of the five senses I would be alright living without, sight isn’t even in the choices.

Watching this video made me decide right then and there that when I have enough money, I will donate glasses or caah to people who were born colorblind or blind.

It just isn’t fair. It’s unfair that they don’t get to see, appreciate, and be in awe of God’s wonderful creations. They cannot not see this beauty.. this marvelous world we’re in.

I vow to do so.

Thank you so much, Lord God. I received an unexpected blessing tonight. It really is true not to give in and give up when challenges arise.. for He has plans. He’s preparing something for us. Thank you. I’ve been breaking for days, wondering how to solve these. You led me to it tonight. It’s a hard call, alike all the other options, but it’s for the best, for now. One down.

Not anymore

No more time to waste. No more hiding. If the right one comes along, I will not waste another moment nor run away from his reach. I will let myself feel freely.. love and be loved.

Likewise, I’ll do my best not to waste any opportunity to be with friends and family, to go to places I’ve never been, and to do things I rarely do or I’ve never done. Tomorrow is never promised.

It’s very timely that I was able to watch this movie that made realize all these on the month of love. Thank you, Can’t Help Falling In Love.

“We all have our own challenges ahead of us. It’s how you respond to these challenges which will define you.” -Wil Dasovich

Under the night sky

It’s about time. Under the night sky.. At this hour.. At this place.. I’m making my decision. I’m letting him go. I’m letting go of my hopes. I’m letting go of the concept of “us.” God knows how long I prayed and hoped. I think that’s enough.

This time, it’s real. Friends, nothing more. I wish him well in everything he does. I’m here if he needs a friend.

He will always have a special place in my heart, that’s for sure.

“…like a sister loves a brother, and a friend loves a friend.” -Rosie

Say it

I told you how I felt. What you don’t know is I still do, but that doesn’t matter anymore. I just want to hear you say the words. Anything, as long as it’s the truth. If you’re done, no worries, I’ll be done soon. I’ll be fine soon.

december nine

what we have, i can’t define

though everything’s in line

with you here, everything’s fine

i don’t know what to do, give me a sign

take the risk, accept or decline

tell me, will you ever be mine?

Me First

I think I now know how I’d start my 2018 right.

  • Take risks
  • Be honest
  • Live in the moment
  • Say yes
  • Be happy
  • Love freely
  • Take chances
  • Open up
  • Be brave
  • Have fun
  • Give time
  • Be me
  • Decide for me

This is one of those nights

This is one of those nights when I just can’t stop thinking, worrying, and suddenly explode into tears I’ve been trying to hold back for far too long. 

It’s just so hard. Worse, I have no one to talk to about all these. I know there are lots of good souls willing to listen, but no matter how difficult it gets, a huge part of me still thinks and feels this is a battle I could fight on my own; partly because I don’t want others to see what’s behind the mask, more so that everything’s just masked.

I don’t know what to do anymore. R.. Should I speak to him now? Should I do it face to face? Should I just show this blog to him and let this explain everything? Should I just choose not to let him hear the truth from me ever? D.. Should I inform him that I just act normal but that doesn’t mean I’m over it and I forgive and believe him? Should I make him explain to me upfront? Should I add that woman on Facebook? Should I look into his phone once more? Should I let this go and just believe him?

This is one of those nights when I sincerely wish I could fall asleep and wake up finally knowing what to do.