Looking back

I revisited my New Year 2019 post here and had the intention of posting it on my personal social media accounts, but realized it’s better not to broadcast it to people who knew me. Less judgments.. Less eyes on me..

Instead, let me share it here again. In all honesty, I’m amazed at how it was me who wrote this. There’s just so much intellect, so much power, positivity, direction. I almost couldn’t believe these were my own thoughts, my goals for the last year. C’mon, just look at the title. The wit. Lol.

Of all six, the fourth one is what I haven’t followed much and should focus on this year. The rest, I hope to continue reminding myself.

The year started out.. Okay? I was both happy and sad a number of times and we’re just on the 5th page. But overall, I’m excited. I’m really, really excited for what this year has for me, for everyone, actually.

To myself on January 2021, if you are to look back at this.. I know it had been a long year; I can only imagine. Regardless of the state of your heart now, whether this is a next chapter or a blank slate, I wish nothing but your happiness and the fulfillment of your goals for the coming year!

Grudges

I used to hold grudges on people (dear friends and special ones) who either agree to meeting up then cancelling last minute, especially those who don’t give any notice that they wouldn’t make it, or don’t respond to any of my messages and keep me on “seen.”

These people, unfortunately, are those whom I rarely see or talk or whom I had to gather enough courage first before speaking to or asking out; which was why I tend to hurt so much then.

But I have learnt to shrug it off (that I’m very glad to) sometime this year; when and how are vague.

What I do is I keep in mind that I don’t know if they may be going through / have been through something. If I do know, still, I don’t know what exactly they were feeling or how devastating it must have been for them.

I try to understand.

I try to.. Though I don’t understand a thing, though I’m hurting, though I feel disappointed, though my expectations and excitement are really at the peak.

We all cope differently.

During those times, we also sometimes hurt others or push them away unbeknownst to us.

I just repeat those thoughts over and over until I’m calm.

I hope they know that I’ll still be here, fast forward everything.

All things new

New work.

New shift.

New songs from Lauv and Taylor Swift.

New Marvel movie.

An exciting week, this is. ✨