Grudges

I used to hold grudges on people (dear friends and special ones) who either agree to meeting up then cancelling last minute, especially those who don’t give any notice that they wouldn’t make it, or don’t respond to any of my messages and keep me on “seen.”

These people, unfortunately, are those whom I rarely see or talk or whom I had to gather enough courage first before speaking to or asking out; which was why I tend to hurt so much then.

But I have learnt to shrug it off (that I’m very glad to) sometime this year; when and how are vague.

What I do is I keep in mind that I don’t know if they may be going through / have been through something. If I do know, still, I don’t know what exactly they were feeling or how devastating it must have been for them.

I try to understand.

I try to.. Though I don’t understand a thing, though I’m hurting, though I feel disappointed, though my expectations and excitement are really at the peak.

We all cope differently.

During those times, we also sometimes hurt others or push them away unbeknownst to us.

I just repeat those thoughts over and over until I’m calm.

I hope they know that I’ll still be here, fast forward everything.

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