Yes and No

So, I’m seated across my sister, staring blankly on the floor.

“Ano, give up na?” (So, giving up?)

She’s referring to the article I’m writing for work, but it was processed a lot differently.


Yes, I’m letting go of the feelings and hopes I still have.

Yes, I’m giving up the thought that we could still be something when the time is right.


No, I’m not letting go of the dreams I have for myself.

No, I trust in His plans for me.

The question’s still echoing. My answers are clear but my soul feels so empty and heavy at the same time.


Under the night sky

It’s about time. Under the night sky.. At this hour.. At this place.. I’m making my decision. I’m letting him go. I’m letting go of my hopes. I’m letting go of the concept of “us.” God knows how long I prayed and hoped. I think that’s enough.

This time, it’s real. Friends, nothing more. I wish him well in everything he does. I’m here if he needs a friend.

He will always have a special place in my heart, that’s for sure.

“…like a sister loves a brother, and a friend loves a friend.” -Rosie


Tomorrow, I’m letting you go.

Tomorrow, I’m letting you go.

I know I’ve said it a thousand times.

But this very night, I feel the need.

Tonight, we were together.

Different, everything felt.

The song I haven’t heard in years.

It played as if on cue when I arrived.

There, with you, I felt every line.

I have already lost you long ago.

After all the heartaches, the waiting.

Who was I to hope we could still be?

I almost had you many times.

Many times I missed the chance.

Tonight I felt you’re really over me.

Tomorrow, I’m letting go for real.


Wall of Memories

The latter I put in frames and hung on the walls.

Here are some of the frames’ contents:

*in no particular order


Oh, I forgot her name. Little girl I played with whilst at Jazz’s house.


Santacruzan. First (and hopefully the last) time to join.


Received consecutive gift certificates on the year’s second half. Blessings poured in rectangular form.


My former roommates gave me this. Ate Karen stressed the importance of time during her speech.


Everyone’s aware that I love giving letters to people, yet oblivious of the fact that I love receiving, too. Luckily, Sahlee realized it and made me this.


Sick of being four-eyed and looking like a nerd. Grey-eyed Athena for a change.


Letters given to me and slipped inside my small envelope during the Youth Camp.


Guest list, cards, letters, tags.. name it.


Cute eye mask. A Christmas present from our thoughtful roommate.


Last visit to the dentist and first attempt to take covert selfies.


With Aida and Camille, sweet orphans at Gabay Foundation, Angono, Rizal.


Elmeritzzy twins, our cuddle buddies. Gone is my mannerism ever since Vian gave her to me.


Dancing lights at Ayala Triangle. Eyes sparkled and ears flapped.. again.


Two different colors. Two different symbols. Two different stories.


First book I actually had. I love to read but I never got the chance to have my own. Couldn’t be less grateful.


Too much pressure on my part. Did everyone who had this all became pros?


Student Catholic Action’s blue day. Le pictorial.


Japan Japan. Kawaii. World peace, yo.


Went to Manila Boys Town for NSTP. First roadtrip with 2B.


“Finishing her requirements with style” was the caption my friend placed on his twitter account.

Camera 360

First debut I attended. Well, technically, second. So, first to attend looking presentable. That’s more factual.


Seven years after. Cool, right? This deserves a major throwback award.


A sister who graduated on the left and a proud ate on the right.


Four girls. One room. Twelve months. A bond nothing can ever cut.


School orgs I’m currently into. Hard to balance yet fun-filled.


The best people in college. Need I say more?


THE blue Samsung Galaxy Core. Bragging aside, I consider it my best phone. Received as a reward for good grades. Gave away a day after my birthday.


A frustration my sister gratified.


Mouth zipped. Tongue tied.


Lumino shirt. Glows in the dark. YFC’s Regional Conference a.k.a. StarCon. Star stands for Southern TAgalog Region, which will forever be the best acronym I ever knew.


Selfies on Christmas eve. Photobombed by my dearest sib.


She’s not drunk, just tired of my very humorous jokes.. or my mere existence? Kidding. Ever comfy at Vian’s house. Doodle here and there.


Twins + twins + twins. Is that even possible in the real world?


My babies! Kids Camp at Risen Christ Church.


Interviewed an employee for compliance’s sake, but enjoyed the rewards.


The day I wrote my name on the paper that signifies my willingness to become a Youth For Christ.


With my partner (also our term of endearment), MCs for the Peer Facilitators’ Phases 1 & 2 Training in Antipolo.


PE 12 Culminating Activity. Move your body, move your body~


Two surprises in one day. I think I’ve opened my eyes real wide and have said “awww” a few times more than the average.


PE 13 C.A. *Insert attacking scene from the movie “300”*


One of the best outfits I have worn photos taken wearing nice outfits.


KTV. All expenses paid by the birthday girl, Pau. Great night. So looking forward for another song book to hold.


I didn’t remember this happened until I saw this picture. Nope! I didn’t do that! Only guilty for taking this photo. Won’t drop names for their friendship’s sake.


Moonlight Serenade. A night where purple was proven to be the best color.


JS Prom on Valentines’ Day. Period.


Message in a medicine capsule. Given to some of my closest friends from my sister’s batch on the day of their graduation.


Surprise! For my sister this time. Met her college friends, too.

Last glance


An untidy room filled with bliss, tears, laughter, anger, motivation, confusion, highs, sighs, smiles, byes. As I looked around, I felt the weight on my shoulders again. A lot of crazy things happened in the past twelve months. Honestly, need not use a balance beam, negative events > positive events. Problems kept knocking this year, often not alone, making every waking hour accompanied by a deep sigh.

I’ve thought of recalling every bad memory I could, but decided not to just a few seconds after. Why look back? Yes, those events made me stronger and wiser; but contemplating on those will only bring back the negativities. Instead, I put them all in a box, apart from the lessons I must remember and the good ones that made me feel alive again, and placed it in the attic. The latter I put in frames and hung on the wall.

Done! The room looks better and gives off a lighter feeling now. It’s time to leave this place and enter a new one. Tomorrow is another 365 days. Again, I will laugh, cry, sing, break my heart, mend it, learn. I took baby steps towards the door, preparing myself to leave the past behind. As I walked out and held the knob, I turned around and gave it one last glance, smiled and slowly shut the door.