Looking back

I revisited my New Year 2019 post here and had the intention of posting it on my personal social media accounts, but realized it’s better not to broadcast it to people who knew me. Less judgments.. Less eyes on me..

Instead, let me share it here again. In all honesty, I’m amazed at how it was me who wrote this. There’s just so much intellect, so much power, positivity, direction. I almost couldn’t believe these were my own thoughts, my goals for the last year. C’mon, just look at the title. The wit. Lol.

Of all six, the fourth one is what I haven’t followed much and should focus on this year. The rest, I hope to continue reminding myself.

The year started out.. Okay? I was both happy and sad a number of times and we’re just on the 5th page. But overall, I’m excited. I’m really, really excited for what this year has for me, for everyone, actually.

To myself on January 2021, if you are to look back at this.. I know it had been a long year; I can only imagine. Regardless of the state of your heart now, whether this is a next chapter or a blank slate, I wish nothing but your happiness and the fulfillment of your goals for the coming year!

Irreplaceable You

This isn’t a movie review.

I paused it and am writing this while crying. It’s because of this movie that I finally am honest to myself on how lonely I am.

I am lonely.

I still don’t have anyone. 23 years (24 in a month) and I still don’t.

I know no one should make anyone a solution to their sadness.. or problems.. or feeling of incompleteness, but I really feel sad and incomplete.

I am okay. My life’s okay. There’s these bumps every now and then, but I am okay with my life, my family, my friends, myself. I like how everything is. I love it. I’m happy.

It’s just that there’s something missing. There’s this hole inside. I feel empty. Not that I don’t feel loved; in fact I am, very. It’s just different when you have someone. As I always say and know:

I’m ready.

I may be a little bruised now. I might seem to be yearning for somebody to complete me or fix me or turn as my world. No, all I want is to have someone I can shower all my love on and be showered on all his, someone I’d brave any storm with.

But where are you?

I meant..

Okay, last chance. If you don’t say or do anything that’ll prove that you still are into me, I’m done. I’m letting go of these long-time hopes and stubborn feelings for real.

Or maybe last two.

*weak laugh* When will I succeed in getting over you?

Tangled

When you’re more honest to the person you’re rejecting about a person you’re into than to the latter…

Plus, after turning him down, he ends up advising you on being brave enough to tell that other person how you feel about him.

How complicated can my life be?