Time to start planning my life. Time to stop aimlessly getting by each day.
It’s a little bit exhausting. Life’s exhausting. Where are you now? When will you come and get through this tiresome life with me?
I get why I feel like days fly by so fast, now.
I’m doing nothing.
The weeks are passing by the same ways. It’s always the same things. There’s nothing new, nothing special, nothing’s changed.
That’s what I should vow to myself to start doing now. Each week, there should be at least one thing I accomplished, began, or changed. I will jot it down weekly and post it here exactly one year later. I know this initiative will greatly impact who and where I will be by that time.
It’s just up to me to start.
Hearing, “Ate, gusto ko magmed,” (Translation: Sister, I want to study medicine) this morning just instantly shifted my life’s direction.
It’s a dream I’ve never let go; just put on hold. Now, it’s my sister’s dream, too. I’m so glad I have a set timeline for that dream of mine (plan B and plan C I’ve well thought of for a long time). I’m also glad she knows what she wants now (at the age of 13).
But it’s confusing me because hearing those words both set my plans straight-er and at the same time collapsed mine. Confusing, right? Hahaha.
Now, I can’t help thinking if it’s something I should add to the drawing or if I should throw away the first and draw on a new, blank page.
This isn’t a movie review.
I paused it and am writing this while crying. It’s because of this movie that I finally am honest to myself on how lonely I am.
I am lonely.
I still don’t have anyone. 23 years (24 in a month) and I still don’t.
I know no one should make anyone a solution to their sadness.. or problems.. or feeling of incompleteness, but I really feel sad and incomplete.
I am okay. My life’s okay. There’s these bumps every now and then, but I am okay with my life, my family, my friends, myself. I like how everything is. I love it. I’m happy.
It’s just that there’s something missing. There’s this hole inside. I feel empty. Not that I don’t feel loved; in fact I am, very. It’s just different when you have someone. As I always say and know:
I may be a little bruised now. I might seem to be yearning for somebody to complete me or fix me or turn as my world. No, all I want is to have someone I can shower all my love on and be showered on all his, someone I’d brave any storm with.
But where are you?