All these stars trying to get my attention. Still, it’s you I’m looking for.
Even on normal nights, I’m into you. No need to show off tonight, dear.
This is one of those nights when I just can’t stop thinking, worrying, and suddenly explode into tears I’ve been trying to hold back for far too long.
It’s just so hard. Worse, I have no one to talk to about all these. I know there are lots of good souls willing to listen, but no matter how difficult it gets, a huge part of me still thinks and feels this is a battle I could fight on my own; partly because I don’t want others to see what’s behind the mask, more so that everything’s just masked.
I don’t know what to do anymore. R.. Should I speak to him now? Should I do it face to face? Should I just show this blog to him and let this explain everything? Should I just choose not to let him hear the truth from me ever? D.. Should I inform him that I just act normal but that doesn’t mean I’m over it and I forgive and believe him? Should I make him explain to me upfront? Should I add that woman on Facebook? Should I look into his phone once more? Should I let this go and just believe him?
This is one of those nights when I sincerely wish I could fall asleep and wake up finally knowing what to do.
Staying up late night making decisions she won’t do come morning.
Do you know what kills me? It’s the fact that you’ve totally moved on while I haven’t yet. It’s that to you this was all just a casual conversation, but to me it seemed as if a reconciliation.
Soon, I will heal. For now, all I have to do is prepare to see you in tomorrow’s event, after months of distance and no communication, prepare to act all casual and conceal what my eyes truly say. I hope tonight’s sleep can take away these feelings. I want it to. Good night, dear.
Late night bus rides make me think deep, think back, and sometimes, think way too far from reality. 💔