Irreplaceable You

This isn’t a movie review.

I paused it and am writing this while crying. It’s because of this movie that I finally am honest to myself on how lonely I am.

I am lonely.

I still don’t have anyone. 23 years (24 in a month) and I still don’t.

I know no one should make anyone a solution to their sadness.. or problems.. or feeling of incompleteness, but I really feel sad and incomplete.

I am okay. My life’s okay. There’s these bumps every now and then, but I am okay with my life, my family, my friends, myself. I like how everything is. I love it. I’m happy.

It’s just that there’s something missing. There’s this hole inside. I feel empty. Not that I don’t feel loved; in fact I am, very. It’s just different when you have someone. As I always say and know:

I’m ready.

I may be a little bruised now. I might seem to be yearning for somebody to complete me or fix me or turn as my world. No, all I want is to have someone I can shower all my love on and be showered on all his, someone I’d brave any storm with.

But where are you?

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I have so much love to give, I think my heart’s gonna explode any minute now. But I’ll wait for you.. Patiently, until our time comes.

Thank you so much, Lord God. I received an unexpected blessing tonight. It really is true not to give in and give up when challenges arise.. for He has plans. He’s preparing something for us. Thank you. I’ve been breaking for days, wondering how to solve these. You led me to it tonight. It’s a hard call, alike all the other options, but it’s for the best, for now. One down.

Not anymore

No more time to waste. No more hiding. If the right one comes along, I will not waste another moment nor run away from his reach. I will let myself feel freely.. love and be loved.

Likewise, I’ll do my best not to waste any opportunity to be with friends and family, to go to places I’ve never been, and to do things I rarely do or I’ve never done. Tomorrow is never promised.

It’s very timely that I was able to watch this movie that made realize all these on the month of love. Thank you, Can’t Help Falling In Love.

Confirmed

What’s funny is this is happening.. again.. only that I’m braver now, more mature now, more prepared to face this, and much more willing to do anything in my power just to stop it. How I wish I’m also number now, but it hurts much more than before. I never thought this could happen. Surprise surprise.

Under the night sky

It’s about time. Under the night sky.. At this hour.. At this place.. I’m making my decision. I’m letting him go. I’m letting go of my hopes. I’m letting go of the concept of “us.” God knows how long I prayed and hoped. I think that’s enough.

This time, it’s real. Friends, nothing more. I wish him well in everything he does. I’m here if he needs a friend.

He will always have a special place in my heart, that’s for sure.

“…like a sister loves a brother, and a friend loves a friend.” -Rosie

Say it

I told you how I felt. What you don’t know is I still do, but that doesn’t matter anymore. I just want to hear you say the words. Anything, as long as it’s the truth. If you’re done, no worries, I’ll be done soon. I’ll be fine soon.