Itaewon Class E09

Really, this episode, this series, they’re teaching us how to be brave, how to not let the wrong win in life.

We can be brave.

We can win against them.

We just have to stand up and make it happen, no matter how long and difficult it takes.

Maybe not

Maybe one day, all these thoughts will be reality. Maybe not with the person I’m imagining at present, but surely with the right person.

This in itself soothes me.

I just really can’t control my mind. Us getting another chance in this lifetime is next to impossible anymore, but I can’t stop myself. I keep on creating happy memories I know might never happen.

And that’s okay. I’ll hold on to the thought that it might not.. not with him.. But with the person written in God’s plans, it surely will.

I think I can settle on this for now.

Truly, no matter how long and how much you prepare for people who are leaving, the pain’s still the same.

Please don’t

Took a nap just a while ago.

Dreamt of me hearing my father flirting on the phone. I stormed outside my room towards him in the living room. He didn’t notice me as his eyes were closed and was wearing earphones. I was enraged, more so because the setting was similar to the actual before I fell asleep — my mother and youngest sister asleep on the couches — yet he seemed confident he won’t wake them up and kept on talking. Though I already knew who it was on the other end, I grabbed his phone to look at the caller ID. It was a bit hard since along with the shock, his reflexes made him hold on to his phone.

I awakened.

No, please don’t let it be a warning, Lord. I don’t want it to happen to us.. again. I don’t want to go through it alone again. I don’t want to hold more grudges against him. I don’t want to forgive him again. Please.