Waking up with a heavy, confused heart.. With questions that will never seem to be answered.. I don’t want this anymore.

Why don’t we look the other way? It might be the right way.

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Please don’t

Took a nap just a while ago.

Dreamt of me hearing my father flirting on the phone. I stormed outside my room towards him in the living room. He didn’t notice me as his eyes were closed and was wearing earphones. I was enraged, more so because the setting was similar to the actual before I fell asleep — my mother and youngest sister asleep on the couches — yet he seemed confident he won’t wake them up and kept on talking. Though I already knew who it was on the other end, I grabbed his phone to look at the caller ID. It was a bit hard since along with the shock, his reflexes made him hold on to his phone.

I awakened.

No, please don’t let it be a warning, Lord. I don’t want it to happen to us.. again. I don’t want to go through it alone again. I don’t want to hold more grudges against him. I don’t want to forgive him again. Please.

Look at yourself

Dear self,

Look.

Your problems are growing on you. It’s starting to show on your heavy eyebags, countless acnes, and exhausted face. Stop it right now, woman.

Smile. Sleep early. Make time for the things and people that you really want in your life. Workout. Drink more tea. Meet new people. Open your books. Watch movies. Grab your guitar. Polish your nails. Trim your brows.

Take care of yourself.

Your situation may become more and more difficult and your problems may grow bigger and bigger, but as you struggle to find the solutions to each and every one of them, don’t forget yourself.

Most importantly, pray.

Love,

H

‪There are times that no matter how hard you convince yourself to stop, a part of you will always keep on hoping. ‬