But no matter how bad I feel for what happened to our friendship, I keep getting the but-it-was-toxic end of statement.
It was bound to end one way or another. I will not be able to stay long in that kind of friendship. It’s exhausting. Nakakasakal. It’s just too much.
I was very happy and very grateful for your family’s generosity and open hearts. I had a very good time staying at your place, spending time with your relatives who made me feel like I was part of the family, too. It sucks I had to disappear.
I truly, honestly, hope you’re doing okay. Last time your cousin and I spoke, you weren’t. I wish you’d come out of your shell, meet people, trust people, live.
I hope you find the best friend I can never be. I hope you also have a boy friend now. I can’t wait to hear about those two!
I sincerely hope I haven’t scarred you for life.
I knew what your other former friends meant to you and how bad it shaped your outlook in life. Still, I turned out to be one of those stories.
But I just can’t be friends with just you. I can’t let you prohibit me from going out with other people just coz you need me and only had me. I can’t let you make me feel bad for not always visiting when I started working and moved back home to spend time with my family. I have a life of my own, too.
It was getting toxic. Early on, I saw the red flags; but I thought I could help you. I thought I will be able to. I almost lost some other good friends in the process. I have a life of my own, too. As much as I wanted to be the best friend for you, I can’t just have my life revolve around you.
In the end, I had to lose you.. and your whole, amazing family. I miss all of you.. Always. I think there’s not a month I haven’t thought of you. I’ve even thought of driving by your street sometime.
But it wasn’t just all you; I hope you know that. I was wrong in many ways. I was wrong to try to change you. I realized too late that I couldn’t help you by forcing you to change. We’re different. We’re polars. Solutions that benefit me may not be able to help you. They didn’t.
I wish you well.
I haven’t given up; I know you will do better. I know you can. You don’t need someone else to help you. You need you. You have you. One day you’ll come to realize that. Stay healthy. Stay alive.