“In this heavy and confusing life, while you deal with your business, you wonder what they are doing all of a sudden and think of the person first aside from yourself. That’s enough of a reason to call it love.”

-Excerpt from Every Moment Was You

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“Who’s this? Looks familiar?”

My harsh way of saying, “I missed you so much, E! I miss the kind of friendship we had when you were still single.”

But of course he didn’t get that.

Grudges

I used to hold grudges on people (dear friends and special ones) who either agree to meeting up then cancelling last minute, especially those who don’t give any notice that they wouldn’t make it, or don’t respond to any of my messages and keep me on “seen.”

These people, unfortunately, are those whom I rarely see or talk or whom I had to gather enough courage first before speaking to or asking out; which was why I tend to hurt so much then.

But I have learnt to shrug it off (that I’m very glad to) sometime this year; when and how are vague.

What I do is I keep in mind that I don’t know if they may be going through / have been through something. If I do know, still, I don’t know what exactly they were feeling or how devastating it must have been for them.

I try to understand.

I try to.. Though I don’t understand a thing, though I’m hurting, though I feel disappointed, though my expectations and excitement are really at the peak.

We all cope differently.

During those times, we also sometimes hurt others or push them away unbeknownst to us.

I just repeat those thoughts over and over until I’m calm.

I hope they know that I’ll still be here, fast forward everything.

Moments

Random moments when the conversations flow freely..

Rants, secrets, problems.. They’re all out without second thoughts.

It just feels so good.

These are moments I rarely realize I need until they happen.

Maybe not

Maybe one day, all these thoughts will be reality. Maybe not with the person I’m imagining at present, but surely with the right person.

This in itself soothes me.

I just really can’t control my mind. Us getting another chance in this lifetime is next to impossible anymore, but I can’t stop myself. I keep on creating happy memories I know might never happen.

And that’s okay. I’ll hold on to the thought that it might not.. not with him.. But with the person written in God’s plans, it surely will.

I think I can settle on this for now.

“It is better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt!” -Abraham Lincoln